Saturday, July 1, 2017

Dancing Through TIme

Okay, so I posted on this blog yesterday for the first time in over a year.

Wow.

Today I am sitting in front of my computer perusing all my past blog posts, and I'm thinking... (I know. Dangerous, right?) But I'm wondering if I should delete everything up to this point and start over?  I really don't want to do that because there are some good pieces here... Stories and lessons that  I want to keep around, like leaving little notes of remembrance to myself.  Then again, there are also some posts that are hard to look at and read back through.  As I read them, my eyes fill with tears, and my heart breaks a little bit more.

As I was driving over to my work assignment this morning, a song came on the radio.  I'd heard it a few weeks ago, and had not even shed one tear.  But today, it evoked a lot of emotion.  The song was "The Dance" by Garth Brooks.  You may be familiar with this tune.  In it, the singer is recollecting a fond memory of dancing under the stars with a very special partner.  Someone he thought the world of, and never wanted to let go.  It's almost as if he wishes this particular waltz was still playing ... pining over what could have been. But he also realizes that if he had been able to see in the future and known then what he knows now, he wouldn't have changed a thing.

And now
I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives
Are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss
The dance



Of course the "dance" was a metaphor for life.  A specific season spent with a remarkable person. I've spent the last 23 years of my life in a dance with a certain partner. Sometimes the pace was slow and easy, at other times the music of life seemed to speed up to such a hectic pace we could barely keep up. Yet we continued to skip to the beat of the drum.  Until we suffered misfortune and fell... and now this partnership has splintered apart, and I am standing alone on the dance floor once again.

Like I said in my "Begin Again" post, change is hard, and saying goodbye to the past isn't easy. Looking back on the memories of the shared dances can be painful, but it can also be educational, and memorial.

As I looked back through my posts on Sweet Tea Diaries, I saw many snapshots, even a few portraits of that dance. Should I delete them from existence, the way we would delete photos from our smart phones or computers?

I say, "No".

Never.

Each and every memory is a piece of my past... Woven into the person I have become, very similar to the way a craftsman may weave colors into a tapestry.  I wouldn't be the woman I am now without these times, these special moments, these phases and stages of my past.  And truth be told, even though my partner and I now dance separately, we will always be somewhat linked together in life because we have three very magnificent dance selections in common.

A ballet.

A foxtrot.

A samba.

If we had never become partners in the first place, we wouldn't have these beautiful, remarkable, amazing pieces in our repertoire.

Sometimes when we become injured, our first inclination is to leave the floor altogether, but we've got to press on and continue to move in order to finish well. To be honest, I'm still not sure "the way it all will end... the way it all will go".  I know where it's headed.  And I know it's a heartbreaking thing. But our brokenness is how The Light flows through our lives. This is how we continue to shine, even through the darkest of times.

So, yeah. The blog? I'm gonna leave her as is, because she's really just a reflection of me.  And I will forever be glad that I didn't miss the dance.
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2 comments:

  1. Beautifully Written!! Heartfelt words!!

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  2. I'm sensing a rather cataclysmic event has occurred in your life. I'm praying for you as you clearly transition to a new reality, and a continued healthy perspective on life. {{hugs}}

    ReplyDelete

Bless your heart! Thanks for stopping by!!