Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Baby Steps

Ever since I can remember, I have struggled with my weight.
Even in high school, when I weighed 135 pounds (at 5'5") I thought I was fat.  (Looking at pictures, I realize now that I wasn't, but because I didn't weigh a perfect 110 and fit in a size 6, I thought I was.)

Thinking something over and over again, leads to believing it.  And believing something, even if it isn't true, can eventually make it reality.

Today, as I type this, I am at the highest weight I have ever been. EVER.  Yes.  That's INCLUDING pregnancy.

I am 75 pounds over-weight.

I. Am. Fat.

But I have a choice.  I can sit here and wallow, and keep thinking negatively about myself, or  I can take steps to positive, permanent change.

Oh, this ain't my first rodeo.  You name the diet, I've done it.  And I've been successful.  I've lost up to 40 pounds in 6 months, only to gain it all back (and then some) again.

Why?  Why is this SO HARD?  Why do I keep riding this roller-coaster??

In her book Becoming Myself, Staci Eldredge shares a theory:
A list of laws, rules, tips, techniques, and strategies does not a transformed heart make.  No wonder 95 percent of all people who lose weight are unable to keep it off.  Diet programs work.  If you work the program.  But they work from the outside in, and without substantive internal change, it's impossible to hold the ground of a lower BMI.  Yes, we all have areas in our lives we want and need to change, but the only way that is going to happen is when we have a change of heart.
Changing your heart changes your mind.  All those negative, self-defeating thoughts have to change into faith and belief.  Not in myself.  But in the One who changes me.  I will no longer listen to the voice of shame, or the voice of discipline, but I will search for the voice of my King...
The voice of Shame says, I basically hate me; I need to get rid of me.  The voice of Discipline says, I've got to fix me, because me is not good.  God says, I love you.  Let me restore you.  I like that one best.
So today, I am making a very important choice... The most crucial choice I can make if I want to see change.  I am choosing to believe that I am loved.  I am worthy.  I am purposed for good.  And I CAN make positive changes.  But only by letting go, and LETTING GOD have this mess I've made.
God is in the mess.  He is about transforming our inner mess so he can transform the rest of the mess.  Our transformation begins when we believe that we are loved.
I may be a "hot southern mess" but I am God's.  And He loves me.  And by putting my hand in his hand - just as each one of my precious children did with me while learning to walk - He will guide me and help me. He will teach me.

And I. Will. Change.

One baby step at a time.
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1 comment:

  1. I love this, it is apt for ANY positive change someone might want to make! Good luck on your journey!
    xoxo melzie


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